Argh.

Take
your baby
outside.

I get it.
You paid for the movie
too.

However,
I did not pay
to listen to the movie
with your baby
as a soundtrack.

Take
your baby
outside.

I get it.
You like to eat out
too.

However,
I can't hear my friends
even if I sit on their laps
and I did not order screaming
as an appetizer.

Take
your baby
outside.

I get it.
You need to get your shopping done
too.

However,
perhaps you could come back
when your baby's face is less fuschia
and it doesn't feel like you're buying torture
as an item in your cart.

Take
your baby
outside.

I get it.
Babies cry.

But adults punch.

My Top 10 Favorite Foods that are Bad for You (aka, Why I Have to Run)

10.  M&M's pretzels.  I thought these were weird when they first came out.  I have now committed the (awesome) sin of eating an entire Target-sized bag by myself every time I buy it.  They are addictively delicious.

9.  Kettle corn.  Mrs. Silva and I bought a large bag at the EU game and demolished it.  Heaven.

8.  Chili's chicken enchilada soup.  I nicknamed it "crack."  'Nuff said.

7.  Grilled cheese sandwiches.  These might not be too bad, but they're just so much better with 18 slices of cheese and 4 pounds of butter.  I eat one every Saturday.  I have a salad on the side, so, you know, it's healthy.

6.  French fries with ranch dressing.  I mean, really, I could scarf down moldy butt with ranch dressing and it'd be delightful.  Ranch dressing makes the magic happen.

5.  Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting.  Especially when it's been chilled in the refrigerator.  The key is, eat right off the cake, then you can tell yourself you never had a slice.

4.  Chips and bean dip.  I ask for extra cheese.  And I eat a whole basket of chips by myself.  It's so weird that I'm never hungry by the time my real meal arrives...

3.  Sausage and olive pizza from Round Table.  They say you can stop at 2 pieces and be fine.  "They" are idiots.  I like to eat enough pizza to make myself throw up.  *Bonus* More room for more pizza!

2.  Carmelized apples with marshmallows.  This is a side dish at Thanksgiving, when, let's be honest, it should be a dessert.  However, I eat just this, maybe some turkey.  Apples are a fruit, so, sure, it's good for you.

1.  Chubby Hubby.  Come on.  Vanilla ice cream with a hot fudge and peanut butter swirl, dotted with chocolate-covered, peanut-butter-filled pretzels.  It's, like, everything thing on this list combined with angel dust and fairies.  Sprinkled with a rainbow.  And topped with Jake Gyllenhaal.