And it's not last year

As our teacher, perhaps the hardest part of my year was coming to grips with the realization that, no, this year's class isn't like last year's class.  And it made me sad.  Because last year's class was tight-knit: people were closer, we got to share more intimate stories, we got to know one another better.  There was less drama, less rumors told about classmates, less personal stories shared to people outside of class, less animosity, less bitterness. 

I miss that.  I miss having everyone write on topic, because they want to be challenged.  I miss not having to hear, "well, I didn't write on topic today, because my head hurts/I'm tired/I didn't know what to write/I just can't think straight/I've got a lot on my mind."  I miss looking around at everyone and seeing everyone writing.  I miss people listening while others read.  I miss last year.

It's hard to see us, this year, broken up into so many cliques.  It's hard to hear students complain about other students.  It's hard to have a student come up to me before class and say, "I need to talk to you--it happened again--my secrets were told."

This year, our class is just another typical class.  A class with work that people apparently don't want to do.  Another class with rules that I didn't think I'd have to enforce--and get ignored when doing so.  Another class with people not listening to one another, not respecting one another, texting while people are sharing, laughing at private jokes while others share about their grandmother dying.  Just another class.  Not a family.

And it's because not everyone's invested.  Which I don't get.  Because out of all the classes you're forced to take, this one was a choice.  So why are there people in here who so obviously don't want to be here?  Why did you take this class if you didn't want to learn different ways of creative writing?  Why did you take this class if you didn't want to hear and appreciate the stories of other writers?  Why did you take this class if you were just going to print out wikipedia articles or try and pass off your class writing as outside writing?

We may be here in class, but we're not here as a class.

Yes, we've had our good days, and we've had some wonderful stories told, and some beautiful moments.  But, on the whole, it's a completely different class than what it could and should be.

And that...
well...
it makes me sad.

Disrespectful.
That's what it was.
Disrespectful.

Idiotic too.
To think I wouldn't notice.

To think you could leave all traces
of your idiocy
at the door.

Unbelievable.

I mean,
you tell me that:

all you care about is graduation.
That you must graduate.
That you will make smart decisions, because
all you care about is graduation.

So...
um...

where does what you did fit into your plan?

Where does
disrespectful
idiocy
show up in your plan
to make sure you graduate?

You better make your actions
match your intentions.

'Cause right now,
all you're showing me is
that you don't give
a shit
about graduating.

Paradise Lost--Jaded Haikus

A shared paradise--
thought unattainable, but
once had been embraced.

Hugged close to our chests,
like the fragile infant it
was, nurtured and safe.

We rejoiced in the
lilting symphony of its
ever-laughing gaze.

But not forever.
Instead a sunset meets our
glance with deep dismay.

Gold glow is fading--
innocence lost, unruly
teens caught in a maze.

Our paradise lost,
as anger plunders what was
once our treasured place.

Out of all that
is forced
on you--

being in here was
a choice
you made.

And yet I have
never witnessed
such resistance

to the passion demanded
of those
in here.

To you this was
a cop-out
easy A

a free ticket to
less homework
less brainwork.

So I'm shackled with
less love
less open-heartedness

and notebooks full of
excuses and
tepid attempts.

You didn't have to
be here--
choose this.

So why did you?

Ode to mis pies

Daily you face abuses.

I force you to carry heavy burdens,

expect guidance down the right path.

Your looks have suffered

due to daily runs from

guilt—

the weight of shame.

I have left you cold,

unsheltered, ignored.

You go unthanked.

Yet still you graciously continue to

plod along,

a constant companion—

enabling me to move

freely,

providing support, keeping me

centered—

letting me stand up

for myself.

Without you, I could not

explore or balance—

falling down

at the slightest breath,

living life

on

my

knees.

The beginning of the Apocalypse: Fox News

What I learned from watching Fox News today:

1.  Teachers are greedy bastards.  Did you know that, in some areas, they make up to $60,000 a year?  And get health benefits?  All this AND they get summers off too!  I mean, these jack-asses are ruining our country!  Let's fire all of them and/or take them down a peg or two. 

2.  Wall Street bankers, unlike teachers, have created more jobs in this country.  (On a personal heartfelt note: Thank you Wall Street.  I have noticed that there are many more people working--for the unemployment/welfare office to fill out all the paperwork for the people whose lives were ruined by your economic disaster.)

3.  Obama is a Muslim.

4.  All Muslims want to kill Americans.

5.  Most teachers are Muslims, obviously, because they are ruining America.

6.  Americans are all peace-loving Christians. (Except for the Westborough Church, whose members take picket signs to the funerals of soldiers that say "Thank God for dead soldiers."  Ah, God's work).

7.  Did you know all teachers leave 5 minutes after school gets out?  I mean, we as a society are paying for these people to go home and watch soap operas!  Let's fire all of them and/or take them down a peg or two.

8.  Obama is a Muslim. 

9.  We need to pay Wall Street bank CEOs MORE money (and not put a $500,000 cap on their salary), in order to increase interest in talented people in taking over those positions.  (Another personal heartfelt note: Thank you Fox News, for letting us know where all our country's money should be spent--less on the greedy bastard "teachers" and more on the Wall Street CEOs who need to make more than $500,000 in order to do their job correctly).

10.  $250,000 a year salary is NOT rich.  I mean, if you have kids in college and a mortgage to pay, this amount of money actually puts you at poverty level.  (However, remember, $60,000 DOES make you rich (and greedy) if you're a teacher).

Thanks for the honest integrity and consistency Fox News!  I love staying well-informed!

Inspired by Cari

Top 10 Things the Meaner Side of Me Desperately Wants to Say to You:

1. You are a complete f-ing idiot for smoking so much pot.  No, really, you're an idiot.  No, really, there are no positives.  Good luck with that.
2. Please, keep texting.  I'm sure this gossip shit is way more important than your future.
3. You are a complete f-ing idiot for using drugs.  Enlightenment?  Try failed bodily functions and a lifetime of misery.  Look at every artist who used in order to help "see beyond."  Not one of them happy or moral.  That's only found in sobriety. 
4. You are not going to be a professional NBA/MLB/rapper.  
5. You look like a prostitute.  Jesus.  Be more than a pair of boobs.
6. You're tired?  Huh.  Why don't you go to bed before f-ing 3 am then?  
7. You hate drama?  Stop being a bitch.
8. You are a complete f-ing idiot for getting wasted every weekend. You are boring for never coming up with a more interesting way to spend your time.  And no one thinks you're as funny as you do.
9. Your macho who-gives-a-shit attitude reveals that you're dying inside.  You're aren't fooling anyone. 
10. Stop f-ing talking while I'm talking.  I want to beat the crap out of you.